!!This post does have mature/adult content!!
My sophomore year of high school, I began keeping a diary and thank goodness I did. Some of the stories are so outrageous most would have to see to believe. I got my drivers license, started my first job, became absurdly boy crazy, and sexually active. It’s everything a teen girl needs. I’m not going to post full diary stories, as I have a tendency to go on long nonsensical tangents and would complain A LOT about how awful school was, but I will include, word for word, excerpts to give some context.
My 16th birthday and the 2nd soulmate
On my 16th birthday I got my drivers license and decided the only thing that could make my day better, was getting a new boyfriend. I had a huge crush on this mysterious, very cool guy at school named Tristin, and the day after my birthday I decided it was time to text him to ask how he felt about me and if he’d want to be my boyfriend.
“I really like him a lot! I guess it could be called a crush, but he knows I like him so I’m not sure if that counts. I just want to know how he feels about me. I’m about to ask him! 😀 I really hope he likes me, because honestly I have no clue what I’m going to do if he doesn’t. I don’t think my heart could take anymore heartbreaks. Maybe I will just die and become emo/goth or whatever. He replied! 😀 I’m scared to read it! Here goes nothing! Well umm…. Not what I had hoped for! 😦 he doesn’t want a gf and he doesn’t have time for a gf! Ok. Forget Tristin! He’s out of the picture, I will just have to find someone else to have a crush on that I might actually have a chance of getting!”
I, in fact, did not forget about Tristin. Something about that boy just wouldn’t let go of me. I spent the next few months trying to convince him that he would love to have me as his girlfriend. I’d text him all the time, he’d come up to me at school and talk to me, I even wrote in my diary about how he just said “hi” to me one day.
One weekend when my parents were out of town, I went to the movies with my sister and Sydney. During the movie Tristin texted me asking to hang out with him at the park. I was thrilled. I had convinced myself that was when he was going to ask me out.
After we left the movies I drove us to the park and Tristin asked me to have out with him in his truck. We sat and talked for a while, then he asked me to give him oral. I’d never done that before, but in my mind it would make him love me so I did it. It was one of the worst decisions I’d ever made.
Sydney was pissed at me for leaving her with my sister, so she told her older friends that I gave Tristin oral for $200. It was traumatizing. My best friend from 2nd grade turned on me. She denied that she had anything to do with the rumor, but the girls who were spreading the rumor at school said they heard it from her. There was a chance Tristin could have started it, or maybe one of his friends, but I was in love and didn’t want to believe he could have done something that horrendous.
I cut all ties with Sydney after that, and got to work making Tristin fall in love with me. It didn’t work out that way though. After that night, it became clear he only wanted one thing from me. It did help me realize though, that I was a desirable girl, and any boy would be lucky to have me as a girlfriend. I wasn’t going to let any man treat me that way again.
Prom: part 1
In March of that year, Darius texted me asking if I’d like to go to prom with him. I was so excited to be asked by an older guy, and felt so cool since it was only for juniors and seniors. I had run into a problem though, I was deathly terrified of telling my parents. Luckily I didn’t have to.
“I’m going to prom with Darius! 😀 cause my sister has a big mouth and told mom and apparently when she said it mom said “hell yes!” and dad gave me a double high five when we told him. So I guess they really like him.”
A few days after, my parents took me shopping for a dress. While we were searching, I was texting with Darius, giving him updates and what colors I was thinking. I ended up going with the ugliest green dress you’ve ever seen. I didn’t care though. On the drive home while I was talking with Darius about how excited I was, he confessed that he loved me.
I’d never had a boy tell me that before and was shook. It was so sweet, but I didn’t know what to make of my emotions. Up until that point, I’d never thought about Darius in any romantic way. We were best friends and I loved joking around with him, but I was afraid our relationship would change if I saw him that way. I told him how sweet that was and it was nice to hear, but overall I brushed him off. I felt bad about it.
I was starting to rekindle my mutual crush with James and wanted to be his girlfriend. Deep down I’m sure the only reason I went to prom with Darius, is that James would also be there. I had hopes that James would want to spend time with me at prom, even though we would both be there with our own dates.
On the day of prom, I got all dolled up, Darius came over and we took many photos. We went out for a nice dinner and talked for a while, but it all felt off since I knew his feelings, and I still wasn’t feeling the same way.
At the dance we had a great time. I mostly sat at the table, talked with my friends, and we’d dare each other to take turns asking teachers to dance. When it came to Darius’s turn, he asked a grumpy old teacher to dance right as Get Low by Lil Jon came on. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever witnessed.
After a few more songs, Darius said he had to leave, because he had family visiting and wanted to spend some time with them. He offered me a ride home, but my parents weren’t excepting me home until later so I decided to stay. I didn’t want to waste what little freedom I had.
Prom: part 2- prom night
Once prom concluded, I still had a few hours before my parents wanted me home. James was still hanging around and asked if I wanted to hang out with some other people at a casual after party. I’d never been to a party, so I agreed. James drove me home to change.
When I walked in the door my parents were surprised to see me back so soon. I told them I was just changing into some comfier clothes then we were gonna hang out at Darius’s house for a little while. They didn’t question it and sent me on my way.
James drove us a few blocks over to a very quiet neighborhood, with seemingly no party happening. The house we pulled up to was right next to my grandparents house and I was thinking karma was after me for lying about my plans. I was viably shaken, but James assured me the party was going to be very low-key and I had nothing to worry about. I was unsure, but I followed him into the house.
We walked straight through the house and into a tiny shed in the back yard. If my grandparents were outside, I’m sure they would have seen us. When we got into the shed, there was 5-6 people hanging out watching tv. I was relieved. I sat and watched tv for a little bit, and suddenly one of the boys, who was in my grade, passes me a bong and asked if I wanted some. I politely declined and became anxious again.
James left right after, to use the bathroom in the house, and I texted him asking for him to meet me outside, because I wanted to leave. This was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my night. Surely my parents would be waiting up for me and they would smell the weed on my clothes.
I stood outside for a few minutes waiting for James and when he showed up I was almost in tears. He assured me everything was going to be fine and we could go for a drive. I agreed and we headed to his car. We sat in the driveway for a while and just talked, hoping that would calm me down. It did. Once I was done crying, we started laughing about the wild night I’d had.
There was a silence and James leaned over to kiss me. I had been waiting for him to kiss me for years. It was sweet and soft, and eventually we ended up making out in the back seat. After a good bit of time doing that, James whispered in my ear and asked if I wanted to have sex.
I explained to him that I was a virgin and I was terrified of becoming a teen mom, but I really wanted to. He reassured me that we would use protection and if I ever felt uncomfortable he would stop. It felt like a movie. It was prom night, I was lying to my parents, I was in the back seat of my crushes car right next to my grandparents house, and I was going to lose my virginity.
The build up was much more exciting than the act itself. The whole thing lasted just a few seconds. I’m not sure if James was uncomfortable with the situation or what had happened, but I had convinced myself that if it was a movie, the condom broke and I was gonna be a teen mom.
We got dressed and after driving around in silence for a while, James dropped me off at home. I immediately went to write in my diary, “Tonight was pretty crazy. Me and James hooked up and now things are super awkward between us! :(” I also texted a friend, explaining how Im gonna be a mom and I’m terrified. My friend was older and wiser and promised me I’d be okay and reminded me that my parents told me “hugging leads to sex”. As bad as I was feeling, that made me laugh. They called it from the beginning.
A few months went by, I wasn’t going to be a teen mom, and James had finally texted me since prom night. He apologized for making things so awkward and explained that it was also his first time and he got scared. It was oddly sweet hearing that from him. The whole time I knew him, up until then, I thought he was some sort of player. It was also comforting to hear that we were in the same position, not knowing what to expect, but excited to be there together.
Tricked into getting a job
At the end of my sophomore year, my beloved iPod broke. This devastated me and I begged my parents to please let me get a new one. They were apprehensive since the first one broke, but finally agreed I could get a new one if I filled out and returned 5 job applications.
The very next day after school, I ran around town grabbing an application for any job that was looking for teen workers. I rushed home to fill them out and returned them. I had done it so fast, that I figured even if my parents were lying about getting me a new iPod, they’d have to be impressed and would hopefully get me one anyway.
A few days later I got a call from one of the jobs asking for me to come in for an interview. It was at a daycare I used to attend when I was younger, and my parents were close friends with the owner. I went in and the interview wasn’t really an interview. I was hired as soon as I arrived and the boss needed all my information to fill out paperwork. Before I was sent on my way I was handed a copy of the schedule. I was to start the next day.
I went home and told my parents I got a job and they were thrilled, they congratulated me, and handed me a small Apple shaped box. I opened it and it was the brand new iPod I had asked for. It turns out they had planned on getting me a new one for a while and had placed the order a few weeks prior.
I was ecstatic, but I felt betrayed. It was some sick game to them. My older brother didn’t have a job, but they tricked me into getting one. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if they talked to the daycare owner and asked her to give me the job. I went on my way, determined to never speak to my parents again.
The next day when I started work, however, I quickly changed my decision to be mad at my parents. I loved the job. It was nostalgic, being in the place I’d grown up, reliving the memories. It was also fun to play with the children. After the day was over I couldn’t wait to do back.
I continued to work at the daycare for another month or so, until business started to decline and they didn’t need me anymore. I was never fired, but they stopped putting me on the schedule and shortly after it shut down for good. It felt like a waste of a few months for me, but I had met my new best friend, Julia.
The summer leading up to junior year: a summery
Julia started as a volunteer at the daycare, shortly after I started. We became friends almost instantly. We spent all summer running around town, talking to boys, and causing mayhem. One of the boys I decided to talk to was Kyle, the lifeguard.
I’m not sure how Kyle and I started talking, but it felt like a dream come true. I’d spent years pining after him, hoping he’d notice me, and he finally did. The first time we hung out, we met at a park and walked around talking. It was nice to get to know him as someone else besides the lifeguard. He was a very sweet and soft-spoken guy, which made him even more attractive to me.
We spent a while, just texting back and forth and hanging out at the park. He asked why I liked him for so long and said he’s no good for me. I had spent too long trying to get his attention and I wasn’t going to let him go that easily. We eventually started hanging out with his family and they loved me. They were so nice to me and always inviting me over for dinner.
Kyle wasn’t wanting a relationship when I met him, but he treated me so nice, that I agreed to be friends with benefits. I knew it probably wasn’t great for my mental health, but I was sure that over time he would want a relationship with me. The first time we had sex, was in the shed next to his house. It was cramped, musty, and was home to his older brothers’ pot plants. How romantic.
Any time I wasn’t sending time with Kyle, I was with Julia. One of our favorite activities to do was, hand out missing posters for slender man. At this point in time, no one was really talking about slender man anymore, but we were still obsessed. We would pretend he’s our dad and that we couldn’t find him after his walk in the forest. The posters were mostly a tactic to give boys our numbers.
We downloaded a texting app on our iPods and would write these numbers down for the boys, so they could text us if they “found our dad”. For the most part this didn’t work. We didn’t realize talking about slender man to boys creeps them out. We got a few texts, but decided not to follow through.
One day when we were at the park handing out our fliers with one of my cousins, we were talking about an older boy who passed away in a car accident a few months prior. Since Julia wasn’t from the town she didn’t know what we were talking about and asked us to take her to his crash site so she could pay her respects.
It was out in the middle of nowhere, and by the time we got there I was tired of driving, so Julia asked if she could drive for a minute. I told her that was fine and she could drive my car to the next intersection, about a mile up the road. She got in the drivers seat and took off. She drove through the intersection and kept going, I was getting nervous. I asked her to stop the car and let me drive us back to town, when she saw her crushes house. She tried to slow down and turn into his driveway, but was still going too fast and drove my car into a ditch.
The drivers door was completely dented in, both the mirrors were ripped off, and my car was covered in scratches from the barbed wire fence. I was furious and didn’t know what to do. I screamed at Julia to get out of the car and let me see if I could get my car out. Her and my cousin thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I drove the car forward and onto the driveway, picked up my mirrors, and drove us back to town.
I parked my car and started balling. My parents were going to kill me. Julia and my cousin were trying to console me and think of ways to fix the car so my parents would never know. They duct taped the mirrors back on and insisted they could glue them back on later, they took a sharpie and colored in the scratches, and they insisted we could get the dent out with dry ice.
After calming me down, I was convinced it would all work out, so I texted my parents and let them know I’d be staying with my cousin for the night. We headed to my cousins house, and as we pulled up to the Main Street intersection, my parents pulled up across from us. I don’t think they noticed us, but I was determined to play it cool, so I honked my horn at them and waved.
They drove off and we continued on. When we got to the house, my parents were sitting waiting for us. They came by to make sure we were okay, since it was odd for me to honk at them if I saw them out. That’s when they noticed the duct tape. My dad asked why I’d decorate my car like that, and didn’t seem to notice everything else. He walked around to the drivers side to see if that mirror looked the same, and noticed the door.
I’ve never seen my dad so angry. He spent the rest of the night interrogating me about what had happened and once I told him, he loaded me into the car to show him where it happened. Luckily there was no damage to the fence or property, so we headed back to town. We took the long way around.
My dad drove me to every place he could think of where a teenager had died in a car accident. It was traumatizing. Right before we headed home, he drove me to one last spot to tell me a story about how he almost died in a car crash as a teen. I didn’t know what to say. He grounded me when we finally got home, and informed me that I would have to take the car to my grandparents house in the morning, to show my grandma what had happened to the car she gifted me.
My grandma was a scary lady when she was angry, and she had a reputation for spanking bad grandkids with a hot-wheels track. When my older cousin heard about the situation, they rushed over to watch me get the wrath of grandma. Everyone was shocked when she asked if everyone was okay, and they said “Oh well, shit happens!”
Melodrama & Merriment 