First major family death
The first day back as school after winter break, my friends and I were sitting in art class making jokes about “cool” band names. One of the top names we came up with was “dead grandmas’s piano”. After school that day I went to my extracurricular activities with my sister and friends and we continued to talk about the band. We would come up with genres and songs we thought would work well for the band.
When we got home that night, there were a bunch of family members’ cars in our driveway. We went inside and immediately heard the screaming and crying of our youngest cousin. We soon found out our grandma had passed away a few hours earlier. I thought it was kind of poetic. I’d spent all day taking about a band focused on a dead grandma.
However, I was devastated. My grandma was my best friend and biggest supporter throughout my life. She was always there for me when I felt as if no one else was. She could have turned me down when I said I wanted a Webkinz for my 13th birthday, even though she knew my parents didn’t want me to have it. She kept her lips sealed tightly when she heard me swear at a Christmas party. She could have easily beat me with the hot-wheels track when I wrecked the car she had given me. She took me shopping when a gift that was meant for me, was giving to my sister instead. She understood the deep loneliness I felt as a middle child. I could, and still do, feel her spirit with me when I’m going through a hard time.
After her death I tried going to school, but ended up staying home for a few weeks to process my grief. I’d spend hours at her house wandering around and digging through her unfinished sewing projects. I’d sit in her room and take in the smell of stale cigarette smoke lingering in her bedding and clothes. To this day, if I’m sewing or get a whiff of a cigarette I can feel her warm embrace.
Meeting random boys on the internet
I spent a lot of time on the internet my junior year. Most of the boys I knew in real life, just weren’t cutting it anymore. The most important boys I had met on the internet were; Randall, his best friend Scott, and the most perfect boy I’d ever laid my eyes on, Josh.
Randall lived a few hours away from me, and we hit it off immediately. I was so excited to be talking to a slightly older guy with his life figured out, and it didn’t hurt that he lived in a big city. Unfortunately, shortly after we started talking, he went away to basic training. He wasn’t able to text me while he was away, but Scott was my go to guy. Anytime I wanted to talk to Randall I’d sent Scott a message and he’d pass it along.
This wasn’t a very good way of communicating, but distance makes the heart grow founded, or whatever. This went on for a few weeks, and as Randall’s return home approached I couldn’t help but daydream of what our first in person meeting would be like. I imagined him coming to visit me and we’d go see a movie. When we met up at the theater it would be raining and he’d pick me up and kiss me under the soft glow of the streetlights. It was going to be perfect and I would tell our children about it years from now.
Scott informed me shortly after that Randall wasn’t going to be home soon, and he may not come back until summer. “I don’t think I can wait that long for him! ☹️ I really really really miss him! I might die from heartache!” Luckily, I didn’t have to think about dying for long, as I met a cute Texas boy named Josh.
Josh was the prefect boy for me. We were similar in age, our birthdays are only a few weeks apart, and he was so hot. We met on some random website and spent every day and night texting, calling, and Skyping each other. The only problem with Josh, was his stepdad. His stepdad would take his phone away or ground him whenever he felt like it.
After a few months of talking to Josh, we finally made it official. “I was Skyping with Joshy earlier today and while I was doing my homework he asked me to stop was I was doing and pay close attention. He held up a notebook and was flipping through the pages. They read “gabby you are so cute” “I love talking and laughing with you” “I just wanted to know” “will you please be my girlfriend? ❤️” it was the cutest thing I could have imagined! 😄” I was so thrilled to have the perfect boyfriend and couldn’t wait to tell all of my friends.
Things were going well for Josh and I, but I couldn’t get over the fact that he might not respond to my messages at any given moment. I would constantly overthink and decide that he doesn’t like me anymore and he just doesn’t have the balls to break up with me. This eventually lead to me talking to Randall again.
Randall was still away, but he had a new phone and could text me without using Scott as a middle man. I did, however, start showing feelings for Scott. “I really need Randall to get back! I guess that’s kinda mean though. I’m basically just using Joshy. I like him I just like Randall more! He lives in the same state so I can actually see him! 😊 I don’t know what’s going on with me but I kinda like Scott but I shouldn’t cause he’s Randall’s best friend! I’m so confused! 😐”
Eventually I ended up choosing Randall, but only because Scott rejected me and I didn’t want to date Josh anymore if he couldn’t talk to me whenever I wanted to talk. Everything worked out for the best though. A few months later, once Randall was finally home, I took a trip with a friend to see him.
We met up in the center of the city and as soon as we saw each other, we ran, and I jumped into his arms. He hugged me so tight and kissed my cheek. He rented us bikes and we rode around the downtown area, talking and enjoying the time we had together. We spend hours staring into each other’s eyes and learned everything about one another. “It wasn’t a romantic rain soaked kiss under the lights but there’s probably another movie where something similar happens. I can’t wait to see him again!😄❤️”
Unhinged crush
When I finally returned to school after my grandmas death, I was met with a pleasant surprise. The chemistry teacher had left and was replaced with the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen. He was so kind to me through dealing with this loss and it made me fall deeply in love with him.
It quickly became unhinged as I’d daydream about him. “He is so hot! I want to rip his clothes off and make him do me on his desk! 😛 God dang!” I knew it was completely inappropriate, but I had hope that one day when I was older my dream would become reality.
I mistook his kindness for flirting, when he passed me at the end of the year, when I clearly didn’t deserve it after missing so much class. I think he felt bad for me and saw I was trying to do my best. Looking back I’m sure I made him feel uncomfortable at some point and he just didn’t want to deal with me for another semester.
To be or not to be (with Darius)
After prom the pervious year, I started to lose touch with Darius. We’d only talk every once in a while, since he wasn’t in high school anymore. I’d see him occasionally while he was working and my parents would ask about him. “I really want to hang out with Darius because we haven’t talked in forever, he’s really nice and fun to hang out with.”
I think spending time apart let me realized I’d had feeling for him, even though he wasn’t the typical guy I’d have a crush on. Before I’d had a chance to reach out to him, he texted me asking if I’d like to come over to his house the upcoming weekend for his birthday. I was flattered. He was thinking of me just as I was thinking of him. That had to be a sign from the universe letting me know we were meant to be together.
The weekend of his party, I got a text from Oscar, another guy I was crushing on, asking me to hang out. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I didn’t know who to choose. I’d had a crush on Oscar since middle school, and he lived a few blocks away from me. My hopeless romantic self, thought it would be the perfect love story. Two kids growing up in the same neighborhood, turning into high school sweethearts. It was almost too much for my heart to take.
After much debate and advice from my friends, I decided that Darius wasn’t the number one priority and once again used him as an excuse to get out of the house for the night to hang out with a different boy. After my date with Oscar he asked me to be his girlfriend, but then dumped me Monday morning before school.
“I’m really starting to wish I had just hung out with Darius this weekend! This happened every time! I thought I’d learn by now!” I had once again turned down one of the sweetest guys I knew to hang out with a player. At this point I was sure Darius would want nothing to do with me. I was ashamed.
Another year older
Turning 17 made me feel like a grown woman. I needed to get my life together. I decided I wasn’t going to have a list of boys I wanted to date, I was going to pick one. My ultimate decision was a boy, I had met at 13 or 14, named Alex. We met online when I was first introduced to amazing world of internet chatrooms.
Alex was amazing. He was cute, alternative, and so extremely funny. I’d lay in bed at night trying to contain my laughter so I wouldn’t wake anyone when we would talk. The whole time I knew Alex, he would try to convince me to move to him. It would be a big change since he lived a few states away, but since I became a woman I needed to make big life changes to get what I wanted out of life. I was going to move in with Alex as soon as I finished high school.
I planning to attend to the art university where he lived, and become an artist and hopefully stay at home wife. All while he worked hard to make me happy. “Our life is going to be perfect! He is going to be the perfect husband and we will have everything we want! 😄 I can’t wait to be done with school so I can leave this place and start my new life!”
The first step to getting this great life was getting a new job. I got hired on at a fast food restaurant, after telling everyone I’d rather be caught dead than serve food for a living. Unfortunately for me, fast food is the easiest job for a high schooler to get. It wasn’t all bad though, my managers liked me and could see how hard I was working. Shortly after I started, they asked if I had considered becoming a shift manager. I’d never considered it as I didn’t want to be there to begin with, but I would make more money and be able to move sooner.
I ended up meeting my new best friend at this job. Her name was Juni and she had just recently moved to town. We bonded over Panic! At the disco and G-Eazy. We spent all summer together running around town when we weren’t working. She eventually met a boy she thought was cute and when she told me about him, my jaw dropped. It was my archenemy, Trace.
Melodrama & Merriment 
Leave a comment